to be positive

i guess i am a great girl, but i just do something wrong, and sometimes too indifferent to others.
in this kind of situation, how can i express myself totally without any hesitation, and how can i be gentle and kind with the one i care.
i have found that i am forgetting some stuff as time goes by, something that should be memoriable as i thought some time ago.
at the temple when we had a trip to the northwest of China, a Taoist told me something that i should remember, that sometimes i had a great manner to others that i may even get hurt. and another Taoist said, i would have a great life and a great husband when i graduate. maybe deep in my heart, i don't think they are right, and i don't believe that, either. nevertheless, i want you, truthfully, loyally, and faithfully. it seems so intense, right? but, can it last forever? i'm not sure.
i just need time to forget missing you, and i need some else to fill the gap that you caused.
i long for your return, and we need to talk.
i think you would come back here, your friends are here, and your memories are here, please don't throw them away.

anyhow, i have to be great. i have to be positive, passionate, independent, beautiful, and being in a good mood to meet you again.

is that gonna happen that we meet in shallow but we understand deeply?

another name?

i write something here, and you leave a comment today on my blog.
i'm glad--finally , you say something to me. at least, it means that you think about me sometime.
i am always considering that you come to visit my blog occasionally.
but , you are using another name, that is quite strange and bizzar.
why?
well, i am sensitive person, i have to think about some possible reasons.
maybe, it is your english name now, and you just use it freely.
maybe, you want to make it all new again.
maybe, you think it is strange to leave a message by using the old name after so long time of slience.
maybe, you want to me to guess , and ask you some problems.
but, i am quite sure that you would know that i will know exactly that it is you, it is nothing big deal.
you would never know how much i concern about you.
well, at least, you are thinking about me at that moment.
you know what, i met a old friend today, who had the story just like mine--some relationship which ends up without the beginning. the girl went to Japan--quite familier, right?
and one of my friends said it will be nothing between us, it is impossible for us to be together.
i don't know. honestly, i really don't have much faith, because i am not so sure about the future and my own feeling, not mentioning yours.
maybe, maybe, a long time later.
i have to make myself independent and great.
waiting for someone, especially you.

no matter what, i miss you

when i am along, when i wake up at night seeing the dark world, when i witness some others' love stories, i am thinking about you.
it all passes away, and it seems that you don't want to care about me anymore. no more words, no more comments, no more greetings...
after graduation, i even sent messages to you, but you just ignored me. that really hurts.
well, i can only say that , thank you for giving the best memories in my college life.
and i am glad that what i dream about all come true.
we had ever talked, sang , walked...together, that's enough.
but , why shouldn't we continue.
i even have the idea of studying abroad 3 years later, following your step.
but you would never know .