i will say to you

i just think about what i will say if we meet again.
i will tell you that i miss you from time to time.
i always remember you and recall the time we spend together, although very short time.
but, i am not so sure about what i feel about you.
maybe it's only because i am all along , and do not have very good friends around me.
and maybe it's only because that you are far away, and there is so much illusion between us, which makes me have some fantasy about you.
if you know what i am thinking about you , and if you are just an ordinary Taurus boy that maybe you will be truthful and grateful to me, but i am not sure what i can repay you.
well, that's far ahead now, i just become a little crazy again.

when i dream, i dream about you
maybe someday you will come true

to be positive

i guess i am a great girl, but i just do something wrong, and sometimes too indifferent to others.
in this kind of situation, how can i express myself totally without any hesitation, and how can i be gentle and kind with the one i care.
i have found that i am forgetting some stuff as time goes by, something that should be memoriable as i thought some time ago.
at the temple when we had a trip to the northwest of China, a Taoist told me something that i should remember, that sometimes i had a great manner to others that i may even get hurt. and another Taoist said, i would have a great life and a great husband when i graduate. maybe deep in my heart, i don't think they are right, and i don't believe that, either. nevertheless, i want you, truthfully, loyally, and faithfully. it seems so intense, right? but, can it last forever? i'm not sure.
i just need time to forget missing you, and i need some else to fill the gap that you caused.
i long for your return, and we need to talk.
i think you would come back here, your friends are here, and your memories are here, please don't throw them away.

anyhow, i have to be great. i have to be positive, passionate, independent, beautiful, and being in a good mood to meet you again.

is that gonna happen that we meet in shallow but we understand deeply?

another name?

i write something here, and you leave a comment today on my blog.
i'm glad--finally , you say something to me. at least, it means that you think about me sometime.
i am always considering that you come to visit my blog occasionally.
but , you are using another name, that is quite strange and bizzar.
why?
well, i am sensitive person, i have to think about some possible reasons.
maybe, it is your english name now, and you just use it freely.
maybe, you want to make it all new again.
maybe, you think it is strange to leave a message by using the old name after so long time of slience.
maybe, you want to me to guess , and ask you some problems.
but, i am quite sure that you would know that i will know exactly that it is you, it is nothing big deal.
you would never know how much i concern about you.
well, at least, you are thinking about me at that moment.
you know what, i met a old friend today, who had the story just like mine--some relationship which ends up without the beginning. the girl went to Japan--quite familier, right?
and one of my friends said it will be nothing between us, it is impossible for us to be together.
i don't know. honestly, i really don't have much faith, because i am not so sure about the future and my own feeling, not mentioning yours.
maybe, maybe, a long time later.
i have to make myself independent and great.
waiting for someone, especially you.

no matter what, i miss you

when i am along, when i wake up at night seeing the dark world, when i witness some others' love stories, i am thinking about you.
it all passes away, and it seems that you don't want to care about me anymore. no more words, no more comments, no more greetings...
after graduation, i even sent messages to you, but you just ignored me. that really hurts.
well, i can only say that , thank you for giving the best memories in my college life.
and i am glad that what i dream about all come true.
we had ever talked, sang , walked...together, that's enough.
but , why shouldn't we continue.
i even have the idea of studying abroad 3 years later, following your step.
but you would never know .

special friend

yes, i have found the exact word to describe you----a special friend.i hope that you have the same feeling about me . we will be friend forever , and i only want to know how about your life all the time.
i am really a selfless girl, i guess. maybe it's just because my emotion is not so fierce, and i am not sure about your feeling about me.

you have your own life , and your future. i believe in you that you would have a bright future, and a great life, although you ever said that you wanted a peaceful life, and be stable. but the world is changing and we are all changing all the time, and we can only go with the wave.

i have deleated the most of the shortmessage from you , because i have send them into my computer. then i will not be nervous if someone else use my phone, and also i don't need to read the message again and again. i know i will remember you, and i want to keep the memories , too.

i don't know what would you think about the time we spend together, and i don't know your feeling about me, and i also want to ask you whether you remember the first time we talk to each other. we may know each other , but we were not familiar with each other. it was funny and regretful, but it was what life likes.

i will be great. i will see you again.
i will always remember you, and tell your name when we meet.

sing for you

it's not a long time for us to say goodbye, and i'm not confident about starting a relationship , nor i'm clear about your feeling to me , but i know what i am thinking about right now.

i'm sorry to be a bad teller, and a girl who is used to hide my true feelings. but i just remember the songs i love, and i am sure you would like it ,too .

where's my love----the one for me, somewhere too far not close enough for me to see,
who could you be, someone i knew but let slip through while dreaming of you

thank you-----i want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life,
oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life

dear friend

every breathe you take----every move you make, every step you take, i'll be watching you
oh, can't you see, you belong to me
how my poor heart aches with every step you take

top of the world-----you're the nearest thing to heaven that i've seen

thank you for hearing me

there will be more. just listen, and miss

captivate

it was the party to celebrate the graduation, and was the place where i first sing only one sentence of a song in front of so many people. i didn't know how i sing like, but the students there gave me a lot of applause, and i really appreciated that.

he praised me my singing, said he was captivated. it's lovely, but it was only one sentence. he was nice. then, we went to KTV--about 30 people, the most people i had ever been with in KTV. singing is not so much fun now, because i just sing a lot recently. but i found he was quite good at singing, at least having a nice voice which is not like the sound he speaks. we sang together a song, i didn't think it mean something, but i was sure he really love that song. anyway, we did a good job together, i think. but, we still have little coversation. it's just the relationship between us. i feel something illusory, and do you have the same feeling?

but, it was over. he will leave, and i will stay. when will we meet again?
just go away, and get to know each other--don't want to lose you, at least, as a friend.

well, HB

sometimes , i just get about myself--what i'm thinking about?what i really want to be like?

i saw a note about asking students who were failed to hand in the homework to mail them to the teacher immediately , and he is in the list. i wanted to tell him, and i sent the message . but it turned out to be like that he may use another phone number and the message was not sent successfully . at that moment, i feel relax and happy , and i hope that he will never get it .

well, it's funny . it's nothing big deal, and i'm just not so comfortable to show my care about someone else. my feeling is deep in my heart.

one of my friends showed his worries about my emotion life in the future. i just don't want to trust someone totally , but i really want to find someone who is worthy of my trust , then , my world may just round him--it's a little terrible, because myself is the most trustworthy person in the world.

however, tomorrow is your birthday--well, be happy!

maybe this kind of thoughts are not right, but at least, it's good to be strong enough to handle all the problems and face the challenge bravely.

don't be weak

it's the whole old stuff . i bet that my parents have been quite sure that i will definately stay here to continue my study. and i really afraind to argue with them or defend myself . once i talk with them , i become so not sure about myself . well , i have always been so confused when i have to make a decision , and it is really tough for me . i have so much to consider that their mood ,and their face expression , can totally make me give up everything that i have in my mind before.

i'd like to take lessons that taught in english, and i think it's kind of interesting and it's really good for me. i don't like my major, and i won't like it more in the future. i always think about to find my type of career , but if i stay here , it's will not likely that i can have time or energy or any chance to do this. i'm quite a careful and safe person. unless my whole life gets through a huge change, can never i be a grown-up.

well , right now, i just need to wait for the acceptence to that school . it seems that lots of students all around the world are applying for these schools . there is a fierece competation and i should chase the opportunity if i am lucky enough to be accepted.

with her

afternoon , time for supper , i saw him with a gril , smiling and heading to a restaurant--they were just in front of me and walked straight towards me . i could tell that he saw me , and seemed a little awkward . well , i was a little nervous . Luckily for me , i was with my friend , and i was about to give him a warm "hello". But he just turned to right , and walked into the restaurant near him . i hope that i made the right guess that he was just too awkward to pass by--and now i just feel very funny , although i really want to know their relationship

according to my friend , it is not likely they are just ordinary friend because there are only two of them . and i am quite sure that she is not his girlfriend.

i am a little looking forward to receive his message about this whole thing . but what should he say to me , i don't need to know his life nor his friends -- we are not so close to share everything. we are even not friends . and if he did send me something , then ... that would mean something, which i don't expect to happen at all because it is just impossible.

he left a "o..."on my blog--funny again .

maybe it just intends to be like this .

well , i will know you better , i swear.

being young is not an excuse

Once again, someone told me : you can not always treat yourselfe like a child. it is kind of strange that he just tell me that--we are not so close, and i don't think that he understands me well . But, what he said , makes sence.

I always want to act like an adult that i can handle everything in my life properly , but my parents just do not believed in me , especially my father. somethimes , i am just scared to take my father's call. it's nice for him to be just a listener , and not control my life and make decision for me. i told them that i have been grown up , and i really unsatisfied with what they want me to be like--or i just want to bahave against their wishes?i don't know.

but actually , i am not mature enough--i always chase after time , and when the deadline turns up, it almost drives me crazy. i used to complain a lot , when i meet some troubles . after all the frustraing time, i become alive again without mentioning any of the hard periods , which makes me believe that i can deal with any kinds of difficulties, but that is not true.

i have the courage to go just straight forward no matter what is going to happen , but i always feel terrible about problems , and fragile . i am not able to prevent the bad situation happening although i can try to do it.

fight , i'm not young anymore , it's time to take responsibilities.

writing to you

well ,i just want to find a way to express myself and my thoughts right now . maybe it's just rush into my head , and i am not able to handle it . or maybe in the future , i will totally forget the feeling i have at this moment , and i will make laught at myself . well , it's ok . i just want to say something .

You make me have some illusions about you--you are tender , and care about me . but actually , we don't contact each other frequently. i even don't know you much , but i am just this kind of girl who's always dreaming a lot -- what kind of personality he has , who he is getting along with , what he is thinking about ... it's absolutely my fantacy, and maybe you are not the one i thought.

well , let me have some dreams . but once a again , when i am thinking about graduation, j just feel lost that maybe i will never see you again -- you will go aborad , and i will stay . or maybe when we meet , it has been a few decads , and what will we say . it's kind of funny , right?

fate just make fun of us , or only me . well , i really want to know whether there is some tiny things between us . and i have to pretend that i have no feeling about you , and move away my eyesight , smiling at you .

well , i admit that i am kind of perceptual ... i will just thinking about you in my own space , and i wish we can still chat , talk , know other's situation after graduation.

what's wrong with me?

i can't get it ~ the exam is coming in two weeks , and i have so much work to do : writing , reciting , doing exercises ... but i just spent a whole day in applying for a passport , and i may not need it at all in recent years . what was i thinking about ? i just confused about myself .

and now , i am sitting in front of my screen , chatting with my classmates long time ago . oh , please remember what is the most important thing right now ~ and i have a paper to be finished before next Wednesday .

i am crying for help that time is limited , but i still don't do the "right" thing . i'm not confident about the exam really , so , i have to work hard at the last few days .

and , then , missing hurts , especially when it becomes so similar as what happened four years ago . i have to be careful , and i don't want to regret anything again.