what does he want

i want to say something between me and the boy . i can never deny being an emotional girl , but i always pretend to be like that , and i always think about :that is not a big deal , i can handle it by my own , and time have the ability to let me forget all about the stuff -- well , it really is , i am sure .

he and me were in the same class before the major is seperated into two colleges . we have ever taken the same classes , and have ever gone singing twice . he is good at talking , and a little funny and he sings well -- that's all the impression i have about him .

then , just one day , we talked with me on the net . some jokes , and some future plans . i have no idea why he just turns up into my life all of a sudden . we just talk a lot , on the net , by sending messages , but we do not talk a lot face to face .

but i just feel very strange and surprised to see that he is with a girl close . i can see that he even deal with his hair . i even can't recognize him . he never tolds me that he has a girlfriend . later , he tells me about that , actually i don't want to ask , and he don't need to explain anything . but he also says that they will break up soon -- what ? he can't say something like that , what the girl will think about ? and my friend just tells me that he never mentioned about the girl but now told my about her actively , and emphasize they would break up , that's all because he wanted to move on with me . -- i never think about that , and then i decide i will not talk with him on the net -- it's totally a lie , and i will never believe in the talking without seeing the other's face expressions .

maybe i just be accustomed to talk with him , some sweet words , some compliments , i am vanity after all . i really haven't been talking with him on the net for a long time . i really curioused about what is he doing these days , how he is been , why he never show up in my lists and does he avoid to meet me on the net ?

i just want to know .
it's not true really .

and i only want to ask : are you OK?

despair

exhausted , frustrating , miserable -- this is all i wanna say about my today's life , my conditon .

last night , i didn't have a good sleep , maybe i only took about 5-6 hours , and i just feel dizzy when i take the ielts training lessons -- and this is the beginning , i have to wake up early in the weekend for a long time . i just feel very sorry and even doubt the possiblity of taking the class , why i make myself so tired every day ? but , think about it , if i don't do this , i will waste my time , isn't that will be better . well , just give me a quite room to make me have a good sleep , please ~

the lesson is not so funny , or maybe just because i am tired and exhausted , and worried about my body . listening part and the oral english , are all the first time i have the general idea of them . they are hard , and i even can't find myself confidence to improve them . and i have no courage to speak english in some topics that the teacher gave us .

i will say that all because of my sleep , i must have a good one , tonight!

who you are ~

somethimes i really feel very lonely . no one cares about you , and concerns you all the time , you are just nobody .

that's why i don't want to trust others . or maybe , i just like all the other people , when i need help and a sense of security , i will turn to them , but when i have my own problems , i will leave me alone and think about the whole stuff , and don't want to care about others . so , how can two people get-together and always consider about each other wholeheartedly , i'm wondering .

it looks like cat . it can be very gentle and likes to be scratched by its owner , but it can also be very cool , just walks away or lies down and never pay attention to the human .

when i called her , and found she had already gone to buy something to eat without noticing me all because her roommate would go , too , i felt be neglected . and when i find that she called me just want to make sure that i can help her to answer the questions and help her to be promoted , i felt a little down that they only think about me when they get troubles and want my help .

well , think about it , it's all the people will do , you are nobody . you only mean a lot to a few special people , who give birth to you , and who truely love you .

god , help me to find the one ~

what makes a boy like a girl

these days , i 've been concerning of my friend--a boy , he's just have a very big problem about his girlfriend , but at the same time , he wants to know more about one of my friend--a girl , and wants to chase her .

at first , i think maybe just because he feels longly and very unbalanced to have or not have a girlfriend , and is in a bad mood . but he seems serious as we contect with each other more and more . he said he has a special feeling about the girl for at the first time of seeing her . well , maybe he is considering the relationship seriously . but , i also find that many of the boys focus on other girls besides his own girlfriend . well , what can i say -- it's normal .

then , what makes a boy like a girl ?
his relationship begins because his girlfriend really likes him very much , and he is moved by her . and it ends because his grilfriend's heart is broken by his carelessness , and it's late for him to fix it up .
but , does he really learn from the experience and will treat my friend well ? i don't know .

all leave to the time when we meet together , and he finds his own need , and also her feeling about him . well , in fack , he's a good guy in his personality ~

boring~

i stayed in my room for a few days ~ playing computer games , listening music , chatting , or surfing the web ~

it's really boring . one of my friends just seperated with her boyfriend , and stayed in the school only for about 3-5 hours , and she just screamed that she was so boring that she had no idea how to continue her life ... and i have a plan to go to see my friend tomorrow ~

and a boy asked me to find a girl for him cause he would break up with his girlfriend soon , and i just don't know if they can get back together . and i am not sure about his personality that whether he is serious of finding another grilfriend , or just because he is also boring and is not adapted to have no girl considering about him ~ well , he is just aiming my friend , then , i will try to put them together , but he must treat her well , or i won't forgive him !

the May Day

we have about 7 days' holiday to celebrate the May Day . i'm supposed to go home now , but i just don't this time . i don't know why . it's true that i don't have a very intense feeling of getting back home , actually i'm trying not to rely on my family too much . but when i really make myself stay in the school these days , i feel boring and a little sentimental , and i begin to consider whether i should go home , cause i still have 3-4 days left .

i make a call to my parents . it seems that they have a pretty good life when i am in the school , and not miss me so much , cause we can chat and talk on the phone or by the computer . and they think that it will be tired and hot to take a trip home . well , i make up my mind not go home , now , i declare .

well , it's funny that when i said i was boring and have nothing to do , my dad's reaction is that "why don't you find a boyfriend ?" oh my god ~ what the hell he's thinking about ? when did he become so sensitive about this . i just thought he would avoid not to talk about this .

in the fact , i'm old enough to find someone , find someone to settle down my emotion and my life . but i just can't trust anyone .

my longliness is wasted by the one i'm waiting for , always .