the boy

i have ever had a dream . he just drove a car and stopped in front of my door . he came out with a warm smile , and gentle eyes looking at me . i was naughty and made fun of him , but he was just smiling , and saying some encouraging words , like sunshine .

well , it's just the feeling , maybe when i meet the person . and it just rushes in to your mind , without hesitation , and i will know , that is him .

just waiting ...
when i saw that boy walking seperately from other boys , and heading forward by himself , i just felt a little sorry for him , and i wanted to know something about his life , his happiness and sadness , his friends and families . but i didn't know him , only guessing that he would be a lively and funny person , but also warm and knowing how to concern others .
well , i have ever told myself that i would get to know him in the future , before graduation , and after the terrible examination . yes , i will ~

people

child:
i want to describe a very lovely little boy who is about 4 years old , and he is my younger cousin . he is full of energy and enthusiasm , and with very bright eyes . it seems that he is curious about every new things .
he is a little shy especially when he is with me . i think maybe that is because we are not so familier with each other . he is much younger than me , and i can only see him once every year cause i have to study in hangzhou all the year around , and he is young and is not able to remeber me when we have don't have much time to spend together .
but i know that he is very like cartoons . i can remreber last spring festival , we all got together in my grandparents' house to have dinner . he came to the house but only a few minutes later he cried intesely . his mother said that he just want to see cartoon programmes , so she came back home and brought the video , and showed it to him . and my little cousin just laughed once we opened the tv .
how lovely he is . but i think the most precious part of a childern's charactaristic is their innocence , just like me when i was a little girl , too . they never try to pretend their emotion , and do what they want to do and say what they want to say . but we now always hide our feelings away , and sometimes we just lose ourselves .

Famili member:
when i get this paper , the first person run into my mind is my father . he is about 45 years old . and he serves for the country . generally , his work is related to the usage of the water resources . he is not so tall and with a big glassed on his nose . many of my friends say that my father looks like a scholer . well actually , he is really eager to learn new stuff all the time . he is a good self-learner , and he is happy to do so . at the same time , he is a hard working people . he used to work until midnight even when he was coughing . but now , i ask him to take more rest because he is not as young as before , and he needs relaxation .
besides , he is funny and modern father . he knows how to chat with me on the line and he knows much more then me about the computer , and on the contrary , many of my friedns' parents have no idea about computer , and i'm so pround of him .
he doesn't like crowded places . he likes to stay in a quiet and comfortable room with his computer , and he can spend the whole day there without noticing the time is elapsing . and in this aspect , i just like him . so, sometimes i am an introverted person .
my father cares about me always , and protect me , confort me when i am depressing . and he is a good father .

how long

i know who is the one leave me comments on my blog for about half years , continuely and occasionally . he is funny and nice , and i really appreciate that he is so kind to pay attention to my blog .

but once i think about this , i always feel that maybe i am just have a good feeling of myself , maybe he is just surfing the net when sees my page .

well , i just begin to wonder how long is it to be proper to get to know a person well . and how can two having no relations at first , begin to learn from each other , and one of them just turn up in the other's life , and all the things are changed .

the two are different , how , why , can they get together . are there really some magical connections which are also invisible ?

well , just let it go ~ what will be , what will happen ~
maybe i will take initiative once i am in a really bad mood , or i am stimulated by something -- it's all under known~~

try my best

i regret that i have wasted much time tonight . i play games and have not finished my homework .

today , the lesson is about reading , and the teacher feels sorry that few students have ever really review what he taught last weekend . my friend told me that it is useless to learn the skill of reading . but maybe it is a little of help . and we also do some practices , and i make a lot of mistakes . i feel terrible ~ the reading is very important part !

try my best ~~~
and don't play games too often .
go to do my homework , now ~~

the one

《sex and city》, the four ladies living in New York are looking for the one they are meant to be .
and all about the relationship , and the love .

there is the guy that you can not erase in your mind despite how hard you have ever tried . but he just closes his heart tightly . they have ever dated , and she has ever been hurt , but she feel terrible when he is sick all the same . what a poor girl that she can only pretend not care him so much to make comfortable about herself .

one is really a traditional girl that consider one woman can only meet two in her whole life , and she's biggest wish is marring to the one she loves , and having a baby . but she had divorced , and luckily she married again . but it's difficult for her to get pregnancy . she is brave and now enjoy her happiness . and she never stop looking for love and happiness .

one doesn't believe in love . she only likes one night affair . and after she met the young and hot guy , it has changed her a lot potentially . it really move me when she went to the hotel with her ex-boyfriend , and the young guy just waited outside the elevator to make sure that she can get home safely . and she was also moved and said she was really hate herself that do this kind of thing to him , and she even didn't know what was wrong with her . but the guy just said , that's ok . it seems that she also find the one , the different one .

and the last girl is a lawyer . she has a baby due to an accident , and she had ever broken up with the guy and got back together for quite a few times . well , it's nice to see that she and he reunion finally and with the lovely child . so happy they are .

when i go downstairs to buy something to eat , i see so many couples are outside the gate . boys and girls are chatting , kissing , hugging ...
well , it's just find . it isn't the time , and there will be the one .

lead a peaceful life

i feel awful today , contributing to the poor sleep last night . my roommate stay awake all night long , and she is just directly to my bed , and the light is on all the time . and there are also some other factors . all lead to a bad temper . i always consider the sleep is very important , and i will give myself much pressure if i don't have a good sleep . it's terrible that she always stay awake once she doesn't have any lessons the next day . but she seems not want let others know about that . is that necessary ?

i go to see the basketball game of my class this morning . i feel silly that i am the only girl is the basketball playground with so many boys . my classmates said it was good that half of the girl was coming to see them . but i just don't feel so comfortable about that . and i am not so enthusiastic about that in such a hot and sunny day . the sunshine is intense so that i only care about my skin . and the worst part is when i want to leave , i don't know what to do is the most proper behavior . i want to say goodbye to them , but maybe no one will pay attention to me . finally , i only say bye to one of the boys and leave in silence . i feel awful and frustrated .

then , i just think about the whole thing , and find some words to say to myself . life is short . you can never expect some others treat you so well , or they always feel that you are important and perfect , you can only make yourself feel good by your own .

you have the ability to ignore the bad points of the life , and don't esteem all the stuff especially what others think about you -- that may cause a lot of problems .

you have to keep a peaceful mind deep in your heart and face all the challenges .

fighting~

well , it's true that i'm not a persistent person , seeing how long have i not written the diary in english , of course . but today , i just so miss here , and i have to come on , and say some encouraging words to myself .

sometimes , i just consider myself is a strong girl , having no boyfriend , or some really really intimate friends to share my heart , even my parents are far away from me , which makes me decide everything by my own .

now the sectence seems very long , that's all because of the training lessons of ielts . the writing teacher always asked us to write a very long sectence so that your issue will have a complicated structure , which helps to get a high score . as mentioned the lessons , i feel frustraing that many people say that ielts is so easy while i don't feel the same way , and i begin to wonder whether i am good enough to take the test . i have paied for the test on Auguest the 16th . it seems that i still have time , but i am not so confident about that . my friend will take the test next weekend , and she will quit all the lessons until that day , although she doesn't have so many lessons . and i feel that she has prepared well enough to take the test , despite what she is complaining all the time . somethimes , people used to pretend how hard they have ever tried to praise themselves when they achieve the goal , or to find excuses when they lose . i am the same , and i believe .

tomorrow , university entrance examination will begin . i took it three years ago , seeing how fast the time has always been . and i just want to wish all the students good luck , especially the cute guy that my friend always talks about . fight , and persist to the last minutes . also , give my wishes to the guys who will take GRE this weekend . it's also a big challenge . just go ahead and make your life fulfilled .

life is really tough , and you have to stimulate yourself all the time , and remember : never give up .

what does he want

i want to say something between me and the boy . i can never deny being an emotional girl , but i always pretend to be like that , and i always think about :that is not a big deal , i can handle it by my own , and time have the ability to let me forget all about the stuff -- well , it really is , i am sure .

he and me were in the same class before the major is seperated into two colleges . we have ever taken the same classes , and have ever gone singing twice . he is good at talking , and a little funny and he sings well -- that's all the impression i have about him .

then , just one day , we talked with me on the net . some jokes , and some future plans . i have no idea why he just turns up into my life all of a sudden . we just talk a lot , on the net , by sending messages , but we do not talk a lot face to face .

but i just feel very strange and surprised to see that he is with a girl close . i can see that he even deal with his hair . i even can't recognize him . he never tolds me that he has a girlfriend . later , he tells me about that , actually i don't want to ask , and he don't need to explain anything . but he also says that they will break up soon -- what ? he can't say something like that , what the girl will think about ? and my friend just tells me that he never mentioned about the girl but now told my about her actively , and emphasize they would break up , that's all because he wanted to move on with me . -- i never think about that , and then i decide i will not talk with him on the net -- it's totally a lie , and i will never believe in the talking without seeing the other's face expressions .

maybe i just be accustomed to talk with him , some sweet words , some compliments , i am vanity after all . i really haven't been talking with him on the net for a long time . i really curioused about what is he doing these days , how he is been , why he never show up in my lists and does he avoid to meet me on the net ?

i just want to know .
it's not true really .

and i only want to ask : are you OK?

despair

exhausted , frustrating , miserable -- this is all i wanna say about my today's life , my conditon .

last night , i didn't have a good sleep , maybe i only took about 5-6 hours , and i just feel dizzy when i take the ielts training lessons -- and this is the beginning , i have to wake up early in the weekend for a long time . i just feel very sorry and even doubt the possiblity of taking the class , why i make myself so tired every day ? but , think about it , if i don't do this , i will waste my time , isn't that will be better . well , just give me a quite room to make me have a good sleep , please ~

the lesson is not so funny , or maybe just because i am tired and exhausted , and worried about my body . listening part and the oral english , are all the first time i have the general idea of them . they are hard , and i even can't find myself confidence to improve them . and i have no courage to speak english in some topics that the teacher gave us .

i will say that all because of my sleep , i must have a good one , tonight!

who you are ~

somethimes i really feel very lonely . no one cares about you , and concerns you all the time , you are just nobody .

that's why i don't want to trust others . or maybe , i just like all the other people , when i need help and a sense of security , i will turn to them , but when i have my own problems , i will leave me alone and think about the whole stuff , and don't want to care about others . so , how can two people get-together and always consider about each other wholeheartedly , i'm wondering .

it looks like cat . it can be very gentle and likes to be scratched by its owner , but it can also be very cool , just walks away or lies down and never pay attention to the human .

when i called her , and found she had already gone to buy something to eat without noticing me all because her roommate would go , too , i felt be neglected . and when i find that she called me just want to make sure that i can help her to answer the questions and help her to be promoted , i felt a little down that they only think about me when they get troubles and want my help .

well , think about it , it's all the people will do , you are nobody . you only mean a lot to a few special people , who give birth to you , and who truely love you .

god , help me to find the one ~

what makes a boy like a girl

these days , i 've been concerning of my friend--a boy , he's just have a very big problem about his girlfriend , but at the same time , he wants to know more about one of my friend--a girl , and wants to chase her .

at first , i think maybe just because he feels longly and very unbalanced to have or not have a girlfriend , and is in a bad mood . but he seems serious as we contect with each other more and more . he said he has a special feeling about the girl for at the first time of seeing her . well , maybe he is considering the relationship seriously . but , i also find that many of the boys focus on other girls besides his own girlfriend . well , what can i say -- it's normal .

then , what makes a boy like a girl ?
his relationship begins because his girlfriend really likes him very much , and he is moved by her . and it ends because his grilfriend's heart is broken by his carelessness , and it's late for him to fix it up .
but , does he really learn from the experience and will treat my friend well ? i don't know .

all leave to the time when we meet together , and he finds his own need , and also her feeling about him . well , in fack , he's a good guy in his personality ~

boring~

i stayed in my room for a few days ~ playing computer games , listening music , chatting , or surfing the web ~

it's really boring . one of my friends just seperated with her boyfriend , and stayed in the school only for about 3-5 hours , and she just screamed that she was so boring that she had no idea how to continue her life ... and i have a plan to go to see my friend tomorrow ~

and a boy asked me to find a girl for him cause he would break up with his girlfriend soon , and i just don't know if they can get back together . and i am not sure about his personality that whether he is serious of finding another grilfriend , or just because he is also boring and is not adapted to have no girl considering about him ~ well , he is just aiming my friend , then , i will try to put them together , but he must treat her well , or i won't forgive him !

the May Day

we have about 7 days' holiday to celebrate the May Day . i'm supposed to go home now , but i just don't this time . i don't know why . it's true that i don't have a very intense feeling of getting back home , actually i'm trying not to rely on my family too much . but when i really make myself stay in the school these days , i feel boring and a little sentimental , and i begin to consider whether i should go home , cause i still have 3-4 days left .

i make a call to my parents . it seems that they have a pretty good life when i am in the school , and not miss me so much , cause we can chat and talk on the phone or by the computer . and they think that it will be tired and hot to take a trip home . well , i make up my mind not go home , now , i declare .

well , it's funny that when i said i was boring and have nothing to do , my dad's reaction is that "why don't you find a boyfriend ?" oh my god ~ what the hell he's thinking about ? when did he become so sensitive about this . i just thought he would avoid not to talk about this .

in the fact , i'm old enough to find someone , find someone to settle down my emotion and my life . but i just can't trust anyone .

my longliness is wasted by the one i'm waiting for , always .

over~

the examinations are over , now , and i'll declare to all of the world ...

but i don't feel very excited , and i just feel very tired , i say that i have lose my way , i don't know what i shall do now . well , many stuff , like english , like work , like the study . someone says that all because i won't come back home . but i also don't want to stay in the school for a week . then , what can i do ?

and another reason for my low spirit is that , i see the boy with a gril very intimately . i never thought about he had a gril friend , cause he always say some very nice words . i thought he is pursuing me . well , it seems that i have made a big mistakes . but i just wondering why he can say something like that . and now i have a very bad impression of him . the boys can not be trusted ! maybe i am a little moved , but i am hurt again , also , well , not so badly of course . i just imagine too much , well , take a good rest , and always trust yourself .

fighting~

time is limited , and the examination is hard and coming nearer and nearer . well , just study hard ~ what can i do then ? but the result may not just like what you expected although you have tried hard and spend a lot time in it -- it's just the world , that you can never know when your effort will bring you success .

then , about the ielts test , i just wondering whether i should take the traing lessons , it's long and tired and expensive , and someone thinks it is useless , but i know that it is necessary . in a word , it's a very difficult year for me ~

and May ,1th is coming , my friend just told me that she will go to ningbo with a boy , and of course i can not go with them , that means she just ignored me and only concerned about the boy -- bad gril ~~ well , i can understand . two single friends get together , it will be funny . and she is energetic , and i am considering too much .

"you really need to have a travel around the place when you are in the college"someone just told to me ~

anyway , study first~

examinations in one week

i have four examinations next week . but i don't feel like studying , now . i have surved on the net from 8:30 pm , well , maybe i'm just not so worried about that -- i have taken so many exams . but i have to remind myself , it's important that maybe i can be recommended to become a graduate student , and that will be the most wonderful thing during this year . i know that the 2007 is a very special year , and i will be another one ,and be in another situation that is totally different from now next year . a little exciting and a little frightened .

well , i have to try my best to prepare for the exams now , it's the plan i have to accomplish right now -- cheer up~~

tomorrow is another day , but also , don't always wait for tomorrow , you have to move now ~

and at the same time , dad and mam seem to get a lot of advantage since the stock rises well . but just be careful , it's good now , but we don't know what will happen tomorrow , just pay much attention to ~
good luck!!

toeic

i will take the toeic test later May~i'm not sure why , but i just will take it . it's useful to find a job or become an intern , but i don't think i'm ready to take a job , so i have decided to go on my study , and think about what is the most suitable work for me . then , why ?

maybe because toeic may be changed the form of test after June , it will be added the oral and writing part . and maybe because the fee is not so much , and it's easy for me to make up my mind to spend them . but the worst part is that i have to take the exam in shanghai , and at 9 am,it means i have to spend one night in shanghai away by my own (of caurse there's a boy with me , but it feels strange ~) . and about the boy , it seems that he has been grown up . last term , we call each other quite often (he calls me more) , but then , i just wonder why , we only say hi when we met . and i got used to it , and felt fine . well , now , we will take the exam together , and we have to travel to shanghai together , i feel terrible ~ i'm just a little exclude getting too close with a boy . but i find that he's a little different from last term . don't call me very often , but help me a lot . maybe he knows me better and also knows how to get along with me .

i just don't trust anybody , and i don't want anyone to concerned about me too much , i want to be strong when i am alone .

speaking english in your daily life

i received a message from lily yesterday , she said we should speak english with each other to improve our oral english . and i resent her the mssage that i was totally agreed with her . then , we just sent each other some english messages .

last night , she came to ask my roommates a few question . i just felt strange that when i opened the door , she just walked through me , smiling and without saying a word to me . i was surprised to see that she just talked with my roommate in chinese , well, i thought it would be the "word thing" again , no action~ but then she just went to talking with another roomates of mine , and said that she would try not to talk to me cause we had made a promise to speak english . i just figured out why she behaved like that , she was so cute and funny ~ and she is just worried about her ielts test .

yeah~the only result is that we talked less and less , and at last ,we can never prevent ourselves from using chinese , and we just take a deep breathe~ we have done that before when we were in the high school -- i almost forgot unless she reminded me ~

it's funny . and i have seen many passages about how to improve your speaking english , and the only way is to practise more~ some says that you can go to the english corner , i want to , but didn't put it into practice . and one day , i just made up my mind and went there , only found that it rained a little and no one's there except for a women who wanted to commend us to an english salon , and we also talked with her and felt ashamed that my oral english was really bad ~ and some one just advises to find a good partner to practise , and try your best to speak english with him all the time , and just stick to it .

it's hard , and need a long time to adapt your mind to work in an english world , think in english , speak in english and everything ~ well , just do it , and try your best , in one part , i like english.

the death note

i've just seen the movie -- the death note , tonight . i have heard about that from my roommate , and she read the comic book , but not the movie ~ well , it's just ok although something's different from the original story ~

what will you do if you can control anyone's death? well , this wrold is not fair all the time . the bad guys can not be punished . the rule of the world is confusing that we just begin to wonder what is wrong and right , and why the murderer , the robber can still destroy the peace of the world .

but , when the boy pick up the note in the rain , he becomes another one who destroy the world's happiness ~ there're many problems , like personal adoration , and self-complacent , and the intelligence between the two boys . but he is a bad egg now by killing so many people who are innocent and just try to potect himself from knowing by others who is the azrael really ~

a quite good movie ~ you'd better have a look at ~

plan

i have finished my exam about computer finally , and i don't want to say something about that , cause the problem of programming is toooooooo easy that i have done it in five minutes . but the test , i don't know , maybe just pass or just fail -- tough reality ~

then i talked with my friend about my plan on the holiday of the labor day , i want to go to shanghai to check about the place that i will take the toeic test although i haven't made up my mind yet . and i really appreciate that the guy understands me and doesn't blame me for changing so fast ~ life is just like the chocolate in the box , you'll never know what will you get . so the plan may be useless cause at last you just throw it away , and do what shoud do at that moment -- you have little time to think about it , that maybe the most natural way . plan can only be a guide .

and i have a chinese blog , and a kind person always leaves me a comment , and i have some imformation about him that he studys in my school and his major is just mine , that means we take classes together , and can see each other every day , but i don't know who he is -- so many boystudents in my major , but i guess he knows me . and i also find that he is not mind whether i know him , and he leaves some words about his busy life , and i don't need to know he actually is . it's pure and easy , but i really want to know . but that may bring an end of the relationship .

some words we don't want to tell the person who we are familier with , it may be awkward ~

busy~~

Friday afternoon , i with my friends went to have an "ask and answer" meeting to check about our reserch . in fack , we really haven't prepared well , so there were some mistakes and the teacher asked us some questions about that , and seemed not so satisfied with us . well , it doesn't matter , and i am not so worried about that , because we are not in the same college , and the teachers would not find me and tell me that my work isn't good enough to pass . but it's worse for my friend , but we really did nothing ...

and then , today , is the exam . i may pass or may fail , i really don't know , and it's really dangerous because the boundary isn't clear .

the afternoon , we have finished the experiment of PLC . and i find that i am not goo at comforting others . she doesn't do well , and at last , she cried , i don't know what to say , i can only try to be sad with her . but i know that it's the result of what did she do before . she didn't do hard , she will say that it's terrible that she has little time , and the experiment hasn't began yet , but at the same time , she watches tv all the same . but she have work out but something's wrong with her programm , so it's really sorry for her ~

well , what can i do to comfort her ? why i am strict with her and others ? i am not good at getting along with persons well , i always keep a distance with all people that i know , there is no true emotion of me , probably .

busy weekend

it's Thursday , today . and i have a lot to do in the weekend . first , take the exam of the computer , then , do the experiment of PLC , and the next day , have the test of programming on the computer . and , tomorrow , i have to finish the reserch with my classmates , but i have no idea what we shall do , cause all is done by him .

now , i am prepaing for my exam . i regret that i have pay the money to take the exam , it's useless for me , and i don't prepare well , if i fail , the money will be wasted -- i don't like that happen , and then , i am sorry for what i did in my winter vocation . so now , i have the only choice -- hold every moment to learn , to prepare . if i really can not pass it , at least i have tried , and that would be enough -- i think that will be the words from my father , it's kind of words to teach the child ...

just try my best~

sleep, now

it's late again , and i want to say a few words ,anyway .

Dad said he might come this week , and Mum wants Dad to bring me something , and she said that all was fine , and i have to learn to take good care of myself when she is not around me . well , it's just ok only if you are used to it .

i'm practising programming C , it's difficult ,and i have forgotten all i have learned ever , so just start to learn again , and i am trying ~

it's a busy week ~

worry about

at this time , we all worry about our future--job , exam , abroad ... and i just talked with Dad for a while -- we haven't been in touch with each other for a long time , maybe that's why i find i don't want to talk about the future stuff with him . and he is just like he used to be , askes me to prepare for the exam , and says he's worried about me very much . i don't want my parents to worry so much , i have been an adult , and i have to take charge of my own actions , and i don't want him to guide me totally . i just hang up the phone , and feel a little sorry to say such cool words to him .

then , i think about one of my roommates . she seems never know what she will do in the future , and have no plan . but , she seems to know a lot about any area sometimes when we talked casually. i think the worst part of her character is that she is too lazy and can't restrict herself from watching entertainmens , like tv shows , movies -- she just have looked a lot during all most all her daytime , and she also goes to bed very late every night .

but we have no right to judge her because she is a grown-up , and it's not appropriate for us to do this . cause she doesn't seem like to let other know that she has failed some lessons and doesn't try hard to make it up . maybe she doesn't adapt to the major , but at least , you have to graduate first .

but tomorrow can't be forecasted , just wish you good luck anyway , and lead a happy life ~

it rains~~

after being so hot for about 3-4 days , it rains right now , and that means it will be cool tomorrow ! well done!

and it's April fool's day . and i think it's just a very usual day for me cause i haven't been deceived badly in that day . maybe i'm not good at joking , well .

i'm so happy that i have finished the programming of plc , and i don't expect for a big praise from the teacher , i just find i like to do this kind of work , it's funny and not so difficult . if i finish one problem , i will have the confidence to finish the next , it's a kind of achievement that to prove my ability .

but , well , next week will be a very busy and tough time , come on !~try my best~

the weather

i want to say something about the weather in hangzhou , cause i've stand it too much ...

the temperature is amazingly high in these days , but , it's only March . what can i say ? and what's wrong ? i can't believe that ! it's hot and dry today but maybe cold tomorrow . it isn't appropraite to put on summer wear ,that may feel cold in the night . but if you don't , you will probably be crazy in the middle of the day .

it's weary , and odd .

the summer here is long and hot , the spring is short , maybe the best time is autumn , and the winter is just ok if it doesn't rain .

well , it's just awful to live here , and i really miss my hometown , may be a little better . but why?all the people will say that hangzhou is the paradise . but i just hate the weahter here . the friends in hangzhou say that it didn't like this since the year when they prepared for the exam of entering the college .

yes , i can remember , too , it's a very terrible summer , and the electricity is limited , and was cut for reduce the use of the power , and we even lit a candle to study .

it is said that the weather will turn to be cold again in a few days ~~
please , be normal~~

pretending

it's a funny thing , and i feel very strange at that time .

at first , i'm waiting outside of the classroom . some students' leaving , and the next class in the room is our lesson . and i talk with a gril about the programe i made last night . and at that time , i think about the guy i know, he maybe is taking class in that room , and maybe he would go out and see me .

then i try not to notice that , and go on talking with my friend . suddenly , i feel something hit my face , i don't know what happen , and see around , everybody's going and coming , no one is looking at me . and i also see the guy's walking away , without looking back . i tell my friend that somebody's hitting me , and she seems know nothing about that . and i can only give me the conclusion that it is an illusion . then , go to the room , be ready for the class .

at least , he sends me the message and tells me what he has done . then, i suddenly find out what really happened . but i don't know how he hit me by my face , it makes me feel so strange and he's pretending well and escaping my noticing and suspecting ...

bad boy...

busy

i feel busy suddenly .

maybe i won't be able to update my blog everyday . if i stop doing this , the habit will never be a habit , and i will update it even more slowly .

count about all the stuff that i have to finished recently . the homework--troublesome , the experiment--difficult , the computer test--haven't prepared yet , the exam--coming soon . next 2-4 weeks will be a very busy and tough time .

and at the same time , the day's getting longer , so i always wake up earlier in the morning , and is tired all day , but i still go to bed late , oh , not a good time .

and i make a decision to take the toeic test today , cause it will make some changes and the exam will become more difficult or maybe more expensive .

go to bed early ~~
come on !~

i've been used to it

it's all the same , no one's coming to leave me a comment , it's a usual time , i don't need to be surprised , well , just a little disappointed .

my friends don't know this blog , cause i have another blog that i always leave some words there , but the hit is not so often , too -- the only reason is that my friends are all lazy and don't have the habit to update their blogs neither to have a look at mine . i've been used to it for a long time ,anyway .

but i check about my blog every day , maybe sometimes find nothing's there , but it's just a habit that i want to have a surprise .

a little sleepy now . i woke up early in the morning , maybe 6:30 , it's terrible ! the sleeping time must be guaranteed . maybe it's because it gets warmer and dawn comes earlier .

now, it's raining , well , it's spring , right?

happy day

i feel happy now, really .

early this morning , we go back to the campus where i spent my first two years of my college life .and we will have to do an experiment about PLC. i didn't have a good sleep last night , but i feel a little excited to take the bus and go to see what the campus like now . it changes a little , and the students there seems younger and more passionate .

i call my old friends and have lunch with them . i have a feeling that it is not like to have an experiment but to make a travelle . but their coldness makes me a little uncomfortable -- after having the lunch , only by saying"i'll go", then leave right away . i've thought about might they can send to the classroom . but that's find , i'm used to it , to the fact that no one will treat me wonderfully except my parents until now .

but that's fine . i'm still excited . go back to the lab room , and look at the computer screen and and see what i can do . the program is not so difficult , but the act of the figure is hard to control , and that's the point . but i think it is really funny ,and the cartoon is so lovely .

then go back to my flat . i am still puzzled by the problem of the program , and i set up the prosessing in my own computer and try to make it work correctly . i've almost finished the program , but it's still have a little faulty . but i am satisfied with myself -- so i'm happy now.

maybe that's just the accomplishment , makes me feel content , and confidenct to do better .
it's a meaningful day that i find a way to be happy , although a little tired .

that's fine

last night, chatted with a friend , talked about her and her boyfriend , both of them are my classmates in my senior middle school . i always think that they are meant to be together , it's perfect . she is lovely but don't have a peaceful mind , always thinking about something else . and he is stable and knowing how to care about others . they can repair the defect on the other . and they just keep in a very good relationship right now .

but she told me that sometimes she felt sorry for him , cause she couldn't forget about someone else . but when she got in trouble , she would turn to her boyfriend , although they were far away from each other . deep in her heart , she just can't put it down , the missing and the pursuing to the people who doesn't like her , and has his grilfriend , now . it's confusing about them , and just let them go , i can never help them .

when one is getting in the trouble of love , all seems unconditional . may be happy , may be sad . all you have to do is thinking about the other one , it's selflessness .

well , it's been a long time to go .

do exactly

i always try to make a plan , and try even harder to do exactly according to it . but i fail again and again , especially when i look at the computer screen . i can't make a good use of the computer , and i know how useful it is , but , well, i'm only attracted by the movie , the music , the news on the net .

i can't live without computer , or maybe to me , it's only a tool for entertainment . it's unworthy , really .

i see something in one's blog that "man should stick to completing a thing as long as it's started" . today's work must be finished today , so you can make a room for other things that you are interested in .

well , all the principles are clear to everybody , but who can take the initiative ? it's just the main difference between people .

i have a lot things to do , but time is limited , so make hay while the sun shines !

dream

what would we do when we fall in sleep . all will say that sleep is very important to a person , if you have a good sleep , you'll be energetic and efficient in the day-time . otherwise , you'll feel depression and even in a bad mood .

when i study in the school , and have a very regulary life , i will always have a good sleep , except for the time when i have the exam . maybe i'm too nervous to sleep well at that time , but it's not a big deal . it means that i will go back home right away , and have a big hug with my large and soft bed -- wonderful .

now , i'm in the school , and can get to sleep quickly when i lie down on the bed . well , last night , i was woke up for a few minutes by my roommate's drool , clearly and ringingly , but i can't remeber what it is in the morning . i'm sure that i heard that , and all my other roommates heard , too . but we all fell to sleep again when she was quiet . it's funny that she just says something ridiculous that maybe is her secret . and we talk about her drool . she sometimes say that and is not a strange thing , so we only feel that is really funny . actually , her sleepness may not be good , and she maybe is too tired that even in the dream , she thinks about something , and does something that she wants to be finished , maybe .

i have ever came through a dream that made me cry in the dream . i can remember the main part of that . my mom's leaving me , and i'm crying and begging , and i just do that although it is a dream -- i cry in the dream . it's sorrowful , and it seems so real , that i'm scaried . yes , in my deep heart , it is the most terrible experience for me .

i talked about the drool with my friend . she also told me that her roommate was crying in her dream , and all of them were frightened and woke her up . it's a dream , only a dream . but life is so hard that you even can not take a rest in your dream , that pretty few hours .

take care of yourself .

a few words

i will only say a few words...

the homework of the modern theory of control is disgusting , many questions , and complicated calculation . it's just not necessary , i understand the theory and do some homework to master it , that's enough -- no need to make me in to a deep circulation of working it out again and again .

and the network of the school is bad -- i can hardly download a song -- about 2M . i feel desperated . how can you do that to me !

maybe take a shower and have a good sleep will hepl me .

my friend went to meet a teacher from Manchester university , and talked with her , and got to know something about the school . it's a kind of exercise to communicate with a foreigner . and i feel like taking the toeic test much more ...

final destination

this is a movie -- final destination , and it is about something that is destinated .

the students decided to go to France to travel around . when they got on the plane , one of the students had a very strange feeling . and he experienced a very terrible dream that the plane exploded and all of the passagers died , including himself . it was so real that when he woke up he is wetted by sweat . and then something happened that is just true in his dream . so he claimed up :" the plane's going to explod ..." and he got down of the plane , and followed a few students who is angry with him or who is believe in him , and a teacher . he was scared , and others didn't understand him . but just a few minutes after the plane taking off , it exploded . everyone was shocked .

then , they felt a little luck besides feeling sorry to the dead . and leading a life is not so easy , really , there may be many accidents happen everyday . but then , the people who survive during the disaster , died one by one all by accident -- strange . and the boy found the rule of the people who is going to die next , and he tried his best to save friends . in the end of the moive , three of them were survival , and reunioned in France , after 6 months . and they thought that it was the end of all this queer experiences . but , a bus came and ran down one of them -- it's another turn .

well , it's all about destination . it is said that the deathe is designed at the first , it's just your time , and if you escape that , you have to pay for the next time -- it's only the problem that when it comes , when is the end of one's whole life . thinking about that , life is fragile , you never know when it stops , and you can never escape once again -- so , it is so lucky that we are alive , and do whatever we want to do , well , hold it tightly .

substantial day

it's full of lessons today -- 8 classes , from 8 am till 3 pm , and have a experiment tonight , too . i do my homework right after i take the lessons -- i have to catch every minutes . but i haven't learn english for a long time , and i read some information about the toeic text , i find that it seems not so difficult -- i only get to know the listening part , but my friend told me that it wasn't that easy as i thought , the reading part is really hard -- it just crushed out my confidence to take this exam , but i think i will try . is that will be helpful if i want to find a good job ? i'm not sure . but i have to improve my english by the only way to take an english exam .

it's late , again ...
everyday's life is just the same , what can i do to make it different ...

my roommate seems have reconciled with her boyfriend -- she never says about that , but i can see that from her behavior , that can never tell lies .

be happy and passionate everyday !

study...

i have the plan to study today . to my surprise , one of my old classmates came to see us -- she've just taken an exam near our school , and she said it was really bad , since i have ever heard about that , i only comforted her that she may have another try .

then , we talked about the future plan -- it seems inevitable at this moment . she wants to further her study in our school -- a little difficult , really . but when i find that she is quite ambitious , i feel that i can't give away , either . i have to , try my best , to complete something ideally .

but the first thing i have to do is hold "now" tightly .

i find that i really like the band -- hoobastank , it's passionate , it's gentle , soulful ... i am attracted deeply .

but i have to sleep now , and get up early tomorrow ...

your goal

last night , i talked with someone , and asked him his future plan . he said he was not sure , maybe found a job . he didn't want to prepare for half a year to take the exam . and i agreed that , taking the exam to be a graduate student is really the worst choice between all , but the easiest way to make up your mind -- don't need to think about anything else , just study , and do exercises . or maybe i underestimate the exam -- it's difficult , so many people's there , trying hard . on the other hand , i'm not able to find a good job -- in a big company , given a good salary , and promoted myself -- i just imagine that .

so i want to learn ielts , many good company wants this kind of certification of english , and maybe i can have more opportunities , and or maybe i'm lucky -- i only dream that .

i have to be strong , intelligent , confident -- all the good words to describe a great person . and i also need to meet a lot of people , and get to know them , and learn from them -- all the success people will do that , maybe . but they really do , and now , i only think about that . that's the difference -- deadly .

well , just hold the very moment i have , do something good , improve myself ... i have to do this !

the love in the school

it's rainy and cold all these days , and since it's weekend now , i have only a few lessons . i don't want to go to have dinner , cause it means that i have to wash the dishes -- it's cold , right ? i only buy something back . when i'm on the road back , the wind blows , and the rain goes everywhere , and the umbrella is of no use . i see some couples holding tightly and walking under the small umbrella , i just feel a little down -- that's true , when you have problems , you want someone's there to share your sorrow and give you support , and be with you when you get through tough time , but i am alone now . i send a message to my friends who are still single like me :" do be strong when you are alone !"

last night , one of my roommates cried in the bathroom . we had found that she was in a bad moon the whole day , but we never thought about she would broke up with her boyfriend . and the boy asked that . i had no idea how to comfort her , only listened to them talking about the relationship , the life between them . when you have someone's there for you , it will be the two people's life , not only yours . there will be misunderstanding , anger , and something like that , but maybe , someone is really meant to be , then who is that ?

we comfort her , and see what happened between them , and analyse what kind a person she and her boyfriend are , and when they come together , what is the contradiction , and what makes them can't be aparted when they "broke up" for quite a few times . i listen to them talking , and learn a lot about geting along with others , especially the one who you will share everything with .

i've done some homework this afternoon , then , in the evening i relax for so long time , see some sitcoms , and now it's all late again ...

learn more all the time

it's been for quite a long time since the last time i called my dad , so i ask him to call back , but then i realize that i've made a mistake .

the conversation between he and me just makes me feel sorry but pretend to be strong again and again . i think he requires too much , and all with the high standard . i know , i understand he concerns me , but at this time , it's just not the thing i want . i want a guide , a person who i trust to tell me what is my future , and which road shall i take for my future life's pursuit . it's a hard question , and if someone tells me that , i will also suspect that . but he just doesn't know me well , he never has the idea of complimenting me , but always says that i need to try even harder , and always thinks that i have a lot of time , i must and should learn anything at anytime in any place . i know , i get to know that he cares about me and is worried about my future . and i agree that i should learn many things , and don't waste any of my time . but it's the big problem when you live in "now" , how can you hold every moment that passes away quickly , and how can you never be regret for what you have done earlier . the great man is just doing well , but me , i need to grow up , i need time , i need to get the spirit of life , the self-improving , about love -- anything . i'm really too young .

then i am in a bad mood , the homework is complicated , and not so easy to answer . i want to get through the book carefully first , but it seems to be late . i should go to learn something , don't think that it is usless and don't care too much about what others' thoughts or something else , what you get , are all treasures .

well , this night is going away , and i'm down , and i regret again .

regret again

i haven't finished my homework , and i didn't spend some time to study, neither . i'm a little headache , and seeing some sitcoms makes me feel better . and it is a cold and rainy day , and wet all around , well , bed time !

and then , i find we made a huge mistake when we do the experiment , so the data and the result will absolutely be wrong . and we just fake the data and the report paper , but i haven't started yet , maybe leave it to the end of the week -- it's not right , everyday , you have everyday's work to do , please change a little .

one of my teacher who is very friendly and always welcome the students to ask him questions , and he compliment us for questioning , maybe he don't know what our names are , but he's just happy . i think maybe the teachers in the college are all the nice people , and like to contact with the young students , they are not like the teachers in the senior or the elementary school -- well , it's true that one is totally different from the others when he is rich in knowledge , and he will be soft and peaceful and gentle .

then i want to say something about my roommates . one girl is really beautiful , but she has no boyfriend . i think her situation is not like mine . someone chased her , but her standard is just a little high , but she is nice to everyone , and good at talking . but i'm not like that . i may be cold suddenly to someone , and confused him . and i won't talk too much with whom i don't familier with . and i sometimes will be stupid , and don't like me in the regular time, and that shocks many people .

well , the point i want to say is , she doesn't do good in her study . so , i'm surprised to see she's doing her homework all the night . then check what i'm doing ...

then only for relaxation...

a movie

i've just seen the movie--the night at the museum , it's funny , and magical , and i really like it . but it's late now , and i need to go to bed , so , i just say a few words .

everything in the museum will be alive when the night comes because of an incredible golden ban . it's funny that the stone face will say :" my dumdum wants to talk !" the guy become a night guard of the museum cause he don't want to disappoint his son , and he needs a stable job . but it's a unbelievable job and he wants to give it up at the first , but he find it's funny and meaningful to work there , and his son gets to know him , and thinks he is a great dad , and he just is proud of himself . then , every night in the museum , there will be a big party . the people who have died for 2000 years play football with the people in the different time area formally , and the tiny people drive the toy car madly , and also the mummy is amused . they are happy to be together , and the children have fun , too . and it's a nightless museum , wonderful !

and now , i'm going to bed , it's really late ...

terrible

it's a busy day , and i do the experiment this evening , but i just feel tired , and don't do well .

when i feel busy and tired and have no time to relax , i really want to slow down the pace and find some fun . but when i'm in a comfortable and easy conditon , i will try my best to do some interesting things , maybe only staring at the screen .

my roommate seems to try her best to prepare for going abroad . maybe i don't want to reconcile to the reality , and i always think about what will happen if i choose the other choice , and it is bothering me all the time .

or , i can try to list a list , one side is the good part of going abroad , finding a job , furthering my study , the other side is the bad part , and i can find what is the pivotal problem , and which side do i incline . but it isn't the stuff that can be weighed by a number , and anything can happen in the future .

life is full of changes .

cherish every moment

i find the really bad part of wasting time . now , i have to many homework to do , and tomorrow i will have almost the whole day lessons , and in the evening , i have to do an experiment . and i must hand in two classes' homework the day after tomorrow . it's terrible , and i feel guilty .

i go with Yang to meet one of her teacher , a very passionate man , and he's friendly , and always try to encouger us , he say , it won't be difficult if you think it is . he is nice to the girls , and never look down on them . not like some other teachers , thinking that girls are worse than boys in the technical areas . and he's also compliment his student , saying they are all wonderful . someone may not be so outstanding , but he thinks that he is also hase his own potention . he's a good man as far as i know . but when i see he driving an old bike , going away , i just feel sorry . the professors in the school are all very frugal , and they know a lot , but maybe someone lead a very simple life .

maybe nowadays , people are looking too much about money and the substances , and the rank of the society . to be honest , i have the same idea . we learn hard , we work hard , and we try our best to survive in this world , all because that we need to help the people we love to lead a good and comfortable life . but what the limit of human's desire of the "good" condition is different among the people , or we may think about that , how much can satisfy yourself , that all according to you .

make a good habit

i stay in my room for a whole day , and only go out to get some food . i just can't get into the study condition when i am in the room , although there may be nobody can disturb me , but i just can not make my mind be peaceful . listen to the music , see some movies , eat something , and that is all i can do . and time passes quickly , it's time for bed , and the day's goona be over , and i get nothing .

tomorrow , i have to do my homework .

it's really good to make a good habit , the habit to read , to think , to learn -- all the useful stuff , but not play games , not waste time .

i just get contact with the teacher , and he said he will give me one of the SRTP , i can do that with the help of his graduate students . maybe i find the truth , we can do little , only we can do is following others and get the result of their reserch .

i find that one of my roommates is do something very practical , she learns something outside of the class , and seems learn hard and interested in that , i am envying her . she's the one who always say some negative words about study or learning in the school , and i thought that her final goal is marrying to a good husband . but now , i think she's really good . she has a strong ability to learn something new , and can use the knowledges to solve the practical problems . and her english is really amazing . although , i get higher marks than her , actually my capability is weaker cause i never do some "real" thing -- i'm afraid to say that .

and another point is that , i can not control myself from temptation , and some other wonderful people can do this , it's a key element for someone to save time to do some meaningful things or learn more .

i need the chance to improve myself , and i also need to grow up in some areas .
don't let anything , anybody disturb me , and my mind , it's my own , no one can break that .
and of course don't always say but never do .
please do make a good habit !

about going abroad again

it's just late .
if i have this idea earlier , i can have more time to prepare . and to be honesty , going abroad is really the best choice among all the other , except the ones who can find a very good job in a very good and famous company .

someone just advises me to try to take the exam of GRE and TOEFL , and apply the university in the north of america . i just say it's too late . although , going there will get more money if you work hard , but i don't have this kind of confidence that i can get the offer . but if going to the europe , it will be easier , but you have to pay a lot . it's a tough decision .

and also , someone just finds a good job , and gets the passion of working , and is really enjoying his life . it's wonderful ! and i have this idea before , but when dad told me how hard it is to find a good job nowadays , and my wish just disappears , and i have to face the reality .

i will try my best to pass the exam so far , and i also wants to take the IETLS , it seems easier then others . but , if i can be recommended to be a graduate student , that will just be so wonderful , and i will jump to the roof !

god bless me !

late

it's all over now .

my friend wnats to go abroad , and she has decided to take the lessons of ielts . i've been for a long time not to think about going abroad , but now , i just can't be sure .

yesterday , she's thinking about some other things and not so sure about that , but today , she seems to have made up her mind to go abroad , and i will be quite sure that she will broke up with her boyfriend . but , she deserves better , really . it is true that the people will be together because they have a lot in common .

so , what about me ? i'm not sure ...
but , i'm a little clined to stay here and take the exam , but it will be tough , really ...
and in another word , i only need time to be a better person , and to find what is the most suitable career to me .

so , please , make up your mind !!

wondering

i'm wondering what to do , what i can do well , and which way should i take .

my friend just want to go abroad a little more than taking the exam . she thinks about that clearly , first , she doesn't want to prepare for so long time to take the exam , it's exhausted . secondly , she is not sure to find a good job , and going abroad can help her -- after all , she's coming from abroad , and she can do better in the woking market . third , her parents have this kind of thoughts . then why she is still not sure what to do , although she's a gril who always be affected only by her own thought . there will be the emotional problems . her boyfriend doesn't study in a good school , and his future road will be narrower and tougher than her . but he is a man , he will take a heavy burden . and it's difficult for them to be together at last . marriage is a very realistic thing . but what stun me is that she doesn't care about her boyfriend will be a lower level of life than her , she just likes him , and really doesn't want to broke up with him . she want to stick to him and help him . so she just can't go abroad for a very long time when he is start his career .

so , what about me ?
i'm so glad that i don't have this kind of person that i must care about , and can not leave him behind . but , i have my own problems . i'm considering my parents , and i'm not confident to find a better job after studying abroad . i'm afraid that it will be very hard to graduat from the school , and i will spend much money . i want my dad to buy him a car , and i want my parents to keep our house , and have a affluent and happy life .

the marks of the graduate students entering exam is shown , today . and some do a very good job , and some are not . so ,what is it mean by a very short exam ? i just live in a world full of exams , and many kinds of certification . it's a world filled with lots lots lots people . i'm just a little tiny ant .

the future

i attend a course of lecture about the exam to become a graduate sutdent . we just face some choices , like going abroad , finding a job , and taking the exam . but which one is the best for me , no one knows , neither me .

about going abroad , i've never thought about that , because i think it is need too much money , and i'm not confident of my english . anyway , it really costs a lot . my parents don't have so much money , although they have the ability to send me abroad . i don't want to spend them too much , cause i've been a adult now , and i don't want them to lead a simple and thrifty life , they should enjoy their life now , for working hard for so long time .

i'm shaking my mind between finding a job and taking the exam . i don't know which one is better for me . and which major shall i take in the future . i'm confused . and i'm tired about thinking about these kind of things .

but , i'm sure that , i need time to prepare for a job , and i want to meet more people and have more things to deal with , and i mustn't waste my time anymore . i must be sure about my goal , my future and make a good habit . but , the worst is that , i just like a child without responsibility and always do things in the last minute .

i must change myself , so , i need time .
and , i can also do that right now .

happy birthday！

it's my birthday , today ! well , anyway , say" happy birthday" to myself .

i attend my classmates' meeting , and the teachers also come . and some ask the questions about going on study or finding a job . we just don't have the strong mind , and are not sure about something , we can only get the information from talking with or hearing from others . so , we don't know how to hold our mind and stick to our own goal . we care too much about what others think or do , and we react according to this kind of information . we are so common people , we can do what the most of us do .

then , i buy a cake and eat with my roommates , and this is how i spend the birthday . it's a little fun , because there are someone with you , and we laugh together , and say some happy things , and forget about the reality and the study and the future .

we just endure so much pressure , but maybe it's the time to become a adult , and to hold on something , and be responsible to myself and my family and my future . so , don't be staleness , we should be passionate and energetic , we are young , and that's all we have .

my birthday wish is that : i can be recommended to be a graduate student ; or , pass the exam to go further my study ; or , find a good job , and happy to work there , and grow up . and then , i want to meet someone . this is the last one , cause i have been used to be alone .

come on !!

chatting

tomorrow , something's gonna happen...
first , we will have a meeting of all my classmates . then , i will know the points of my CET6 , it's important to me , really . and then , it's my birthday . i've ordered a cake for myself--how lone, and two bottles of beer that have the taste of fruit , i like that !

dad asked somebody to send me the stuff that i left home--most are the things to eat . eat less and take more exercises -- then keep fit .

and in the evening , i chat with someone , more than one person . anything about ourselves . i just feel a little tired , listening to the music -- the hoobastank , i find i like to hear their crying , show the feeling of anger , disappointment , helpless ... i want to talk to somebody , i am imagining someone know that tommrrow will be my birthday and say happy to me . but i didn't told many people that , so how does he know ?

i'm just a little unrealistic sometimes , and ask too much , but can give little . it's unfair and then i am alone . but i'm afraid to be with somebody , maybe just thinking about tow much ...

have a good rest , tommorrow , i really want i can pass 460 !!! please !!!!

tendency

i'm sad today , and helpless .

i call the teacher to ask something , she is angry with me and ask me to see the note clearly by myself . then call my dad , he lessons me , too .

i know that i should learn something that i interested , but ,what it is ?
i like music , but i can't be a singer or composer or something else . i am a college student , and my major is automation , but i have no idea about that except taking the lessons .

maybe i've just chosen the wrong major , but it is all late now . what i can do , at this moment ?
no , no complainment ! but , who can help me ?

don't ask for help . life is so hard , please don't bother yourself , be happy at anytime .

come on !
hold on ! i can !!!

reading

"Books are to mankind what memory is to the individual . They contain the history of our race , the discoveries we have made , the accumulated knowledge and experience of ages , they picture for us the marvels and beauties of nature ; help us in our difficulties , comfort us in sorrow and in suffering , change hours of weariness into moments of delight , store our minds with idea , fill them with good and happy thoughts , and lift us out of and above ourselves"
--------Sir John Lubbak

this is a very long sentence of the good point of reading . yes , it really is .

thinking about reading , i feel ashamed that i haven't read a good book for a long time . i'm not a patient people , i can only read through a book very quickly when it is funny or attractive . so i like to read detective stories , and love stories that happens between the youth or in the school , or very funny stories .

since i became a college students , i have bought a very few books , and most of all i haven't finished reading them . what i usually do is surfing the net , or downloading the movie , or listening to the music , but not reading books . that happens only when the end of the term comes , i have to read the text book all day long to prepare my exams .
what a pity !

reading is really good , and i absolutely agree . but i just have passed the period that i could sit down quietly and hold a book .
well , anyway , i'll try . read more , and become smarter .

these days , i'm considering about the SRTP . it's concerned about my recommendation to be the school's graduate student , maybe . but if i have one , it will be safe that i won't lose my competency . but now , i have no idea what to do . . .
oooooooh , who can give my a hand !!!

normal life

i'm back , now .

have lessons , take a rest , then , night's coming , so , just go to bed .
it's a normal and regular life . yes , it's just my life .

about study , about the exam , about tomorrow , sometimes , when i think about these things , i feel really tired . i don't need to worry about this now , and i should make up my mind when i decide to do something .

read a book about woman , and find it really makes sense . and i need to think about the character of being a woman , or maybe it's the future things . but , it's a good book .

there are not something special happening everyday , i can only write down a few words , and try my best to show my feeling . but who cares , who cares about me ? all the thing ? well , i just want to write something about me , it makes me feel i am not alone , or it's me that want to be alone .

buy a book about reading , and wish i can richen my vocabulary by using it .
my friend seems have made up her mind to take the exam to become the graduate student .
so , try my best , don't disappoint my parents .

what's wrong

it's really strange today . it's the first day of this term for studying . but i don't have any feeling of studying . i wake up early this morning , having 5 lessons , and have my lunch -- very simple , and then have another 3 lessons .

i am a little tired . but , it's the beginning , so , i'll do the homework the other day and now , i relax .

but the network of my school is very very slow , it makes downloading the movie very very difficult . and i'm not patiente , i'll be angry . so is the bbs . what's wrong with my computer!?

i feel a little frighten when i come back to this kind of collectivity . i don't want to be alone and i don't want to be seen in this kind of situation . i don't wank to talk , to learn . i want to say something deep in my heart . but the listener's not there .

yes , please , be strong even when i'm alone .
and cheer up , for tomorrow .

back to school , now

i'm not feeling well , today . first , lonely ; second , tired ...

i have taken the intercity bus for about 6 hours -- 4 and a half hour is enough as usual , but the driver made a mistake for finding the right rode .

when i get back to my room , there's nobody there . a little time later , one of my roommates comes back , and we sweep the floor -- do some cleaning . and tidy up my stuff .

i just want to chat with somebody to say that i am back now, and it is not so good , cause i have to adapt the study life again .

i don't have a good sleep last night , so i am tired and sleepy now .
when i came back , mam asked me to have a good appetite and always be full , and go to bed earlier . and dad asked me to eat less rice and eat more vegetables and no bowels of the animals . and he also wanted me to care about other things like academic research or competition besides study .
i think it is really hard , or it's just because that i won't try my best ?

sleepy , tired , and want to say something , to somebody .
but , the blog makes a person think about more things ...

going back

this is a small meeting of my classmates , have fun in her house , and have dinner together , then , talk -- just like what we do commonly .

tomorrow , i'll go back to school . it's a tough time when i have to make myself go back to a hard study life from relaxing all the time being at home . but , i have to ...

what will happen tomorrow ? a long trip from home to school , and during that time , i must make up my mind that it's time to going back to a normal and hard-working life . i'll do many things at school -- and face many problems , and i'll be alone -- to handle all of this .

it's sad to see the friends going home and leaving me behind . it's raining , today . and it makes the departing even more depressing . but i have my own life , and so do you . you don't need to care about me , and i don't need to think about you , we are in two different worlds -- i'm not good at communicating with others , especially when we are face to face . so , just move on , our regular lives and don't think about the person who's not worthy of your attention .

be good to yourself even when you are alone .

the homecoming

we have the homecoming today . but i must take a bus for about 20 minutes , i don't know why there are so many people want to get in the bus , so we wait for a long time , and we get the chance finally .

we sing songs , we talk and we eat--all very casual and ordinary activities . then , have dinner , and drink beers . it's good that i only have a little .

we meet many classmates that we haven't been in touch with for a long time . and i find that the girls are all becoming prettier . the hair is curled , and have their own style . nice , really nice ! one of them is very beautiful , compared to her , i'm ashamed to show my face .

maybe sometimes i am afraid to dress up myself -- i don't want to be the obvious one in the crowd and i don' t want to lose . but it's not right , i should face the challenge , and settle it down .

some guys drink too much and say , or do something stupid . they are kind basically , and funny . but it is enough -- everything has its limit , so control it !

tomorrow will be the last day of my winter vacation spent at home . the day after tomorrow , i will be in the intercity bus , and head to school .
another term's coming . . .

today

i go to see my grandma and grandpa , today . and have lunch and dinner there .

my poor grandma , there's something wrong with one of her legs , she can only walk by the help of crutch . she has so many children--four girls and three boys , all have their own families and she don't need to worry about them . but it's really longly and unhappy when we are not here . they rely on each other , and when they become old , they hold on the hands tightly . grandma can't be too tired , so anuts help to cook .

the cousins are all younger than me . one is only about 5 , so , i can only see the tv programms that they enjoy . it's terrible and very very boring .

then , mam buys me two shoes--all are high-heeled , a little expensive , and i'm excited!! yes , change myself .
there are many lovely clothes in the shop . but i have bought enough this winter vacation . i'll buy what i need in the school , and i don't need to say some awkard words to my parents that the money is not enough , actually it is me that don't want to waste the money .

anuts are worried about their children's study . and my dad is worried about my future--it's hard to find a good job and live on . dad is just a kind of man who is eager to learn something , something that is related to computer , and who is thinking about me all the time , but has a bad temper . but he is a good man generally .

about beatuy

meet old friends－classmates actually , talk about some funny things . it's fine , and lovely . we also call on our english teacher in the senior middle school . he looks fit and healthy , and his little son is really cute . then , have dinner together and go on talking .

i find many pretty girls on the street . and we spend so much time and money on the appearance , i know it is necessary and helpful cause it's a world that always judges a person by his looks .

i think it's easy to become a very beautiful woman once you have the money , the time and the energy . but it's hard to reveal a special temperament that differs from others . and that means you are unique . it's the confidence of yourself deep in your heart , and is your intelligence's naturally outpouring .

i'm just almost as the same as i was in the senior middle school . maybe looks more like a grown-up . what i need is the confidence , i can be the best .

but , the beatuy will fade away as the time passes . what makes a couple be together for as long as maybe a few decades ? and what makes a girl become so perfect in someone's eyes that no one else can match her ? it's a hard and complicated question . there's no reason to love a person deeply . but someone says that in fact , you are just not clear about the reasons . anyway, i believe that there are many other facets between two lovers besides the exterior , and ther're more important .

"you are unique ." is really a very wonderful word for praising a girl .

meet a countryman

when i play a network game--super dancer , i find a person with my town's name as his nickname . so i ask him if it is his hometown . and he said yes . and then i chat with him for quite a while .

i find we have a lot in common . we live in the same town , we learn the same major in the school . but he's older than me , and have worked for half a year . but he is not so satisfied with his job . the salary is too low , and he found that what he learned at school is useless .

i'm shocked . i've thought about that before , but i don't know it really happens . so , what we get from our school-life ? i always think that i can get many good things potentially , like the habit of learning , the way of getting along with others . but there will be a gap between the dream and the reality .

and he also advises me not to take the exam to become a graduate student . it's not good for a girl especially in a town like this . and he says it's not helpful . he's just shaking my heart to prepare for that exam .

and i just see somebody saying that his old classmate gets married recently , but he has no girlfriend and learns hard at school . it's a kind of imbalance . and that countryman also says he feels not so good when he found that his classmates lead a better lives , even have a car , but he is tired from working for that little money .

it's really hard . when you've tried so hard , but maybe what you get is very little . what can i do , then ?
where is the future ? have to work hard -- it means that you have tried , at least . so cruel ...

go on driving ~~

Dad goes on teaching me driving this afternoon . but it's not so easy as yesterday . he asks me to drive here and there and suddently turn around . it's difficult , and he's even yelling at me . i'm scared and i don't want to make mistakes . so , after an hour and a half , we go back .

one of my friends of my junior middle school wants to ask all the classmates to get together to have fun , since i am the monitor and we have not been in touch with each other for a long time . but she just gives me the news that they have already hold this kind of homecomings some times .

i feel really sad and disappointed because i am the monitor , and i've never heard about the "get-together" thing . they just forget about me , totally ! but the guys i know seems don't know the situation , either . so , what's that ? maybe it's just a little party among the people who have some contacts .

and to be honest , during the time when i was in the junior middle school , i was not so happy , and i felt down and was indifferent to anything except studying . there must be some naughty guys who thought i was the odd fish and bookworm . and i departed myself from many of them . i can't remember how it happened , it was just a period of tough time to me . but i thingk maybe they now all have a quite good position , or some may even get married . so exicted !

if i have the chance , i really want to see them again before i go back to hangzhou . and i decide to go back next sunday-25 , February and i'll go with Lily . hmm... i'll leave home again ! take good care of yourself cause you are a grown man !

Driving!!

This afternoon , i want to stay at home at first , because it's a rainy day , and i don't have any appointment . Mom and Dad are about to go outside to have fun or work or something else , and i'm thinking about to have a longly and poor day totoday , but it's the spring festival and it's once a year , it's special ! then , what can i do ? just turn to my computer...

just for a while , Dad's back . the office was locked , and he doesn't have the key . But he don't want me to stay at home and waste my time , so , he asks me out to learn to drive a car . i'm just a little curious . and i agree .

i've never thought driving is a easy thing , but it is , basically . the road is quite wide and there isn't any car or people . it's a safe and appropriate place for practising driving . but it's not planar and has many puddles . it's not so comfortable to drive there , but it's safe , and that's enough .

how to drive a care becomes more and more easier as the manipulation becomes simple . there are not many handles or buttons , you can drive a car running here and there only by pushing the accelerate pedal and stop it by pushing the brake pedal , and be careful of the direction . and then , all will be fine , and you will be safe .

of course , it's easy to say then to do . i only learn the very little part of driving , and i have no courage to drive on the street . i'll be nervous when i come across a man or a car . the most difficult part of driving is to drive masterly , and calmly when the traffic is heavy .

it's funny but a little tired to drive a car ... and it is really memorable .
to learn something new , you'll find your confidence , and yourself a brand new one . cool!!

the spring festival

The spring's coming , and this is the China's bigest and the most traditional festival-the spring festival . it means reunion , hopes and wishes . we send "happy new year!"to each other, and give them the devout blessing and make a wish for the next year.

All the family get together and have a fabulous dinner, then watch TV. but now we usually surf on the web and chat with friends and send wishes.

the firecracker is loud and a little noisy, but it constructs the atmosphere of the traditional festival . when the new day comes , firing the firecracker will mean a good start of the new year. so , mom is waiting for that moment . and the neighbors will do the same thing then . This night will be a bright, busy, and wonderful one

just shout out "happy the spring festival","i'll be fine the next year, and you all will","dreams come true","best wishes to all the guys who i know"!!!

somebody

one day , i will meet somebody who cares about me, respects me and encourages me ... and i really trust him and rely on him...

But now, i only enjoy my single life...

sometimes , i'm moved by some very simple words , like : "have a good dream", or "do you miss me last night for i didn't call you",or"i'm a good and reliable man"...they're kind and funny boys , and we've ever chatted happily . but we just don't be in touch with eath other suddenly...i don't know why, but i think maybe because the real problems come up when you begin to understand a person deeply--the personality , the habits , the attitude , and so on...

and i feel ashamed to think of the words he ever told to me...it's really just a jok , but i treat it as a little gleam of hope...and then i found that he put his girlfriend's picture as his mobile telephone's wallpaper...we can be friend as he is a kind person and he knows how to take care of a girl...he can make me laugh , and make me happy...but i can't imagine what will happen if he becomes my boyfriend...i won't accept him , really...

so only think about the future , there will be somebody...and i believe that

about plan

Time just passes quickly, and i'm thinking about the words--"do not waste your time", "make a plan , and try your best to do things according to it","to learn from the successful people", and someting like that...i just need to encourage myself since these days i'm at home and have fun all the time and almost forget about the"future things"--just like having a good job, being a lovely and pretty lady,or furthering my study,going abroad to have a look around and so on...and i really need to prepare for that right now, just trying my best and having a clear mind ...i'm wondering whether i can keep on writing the english blog every day...but just have faith, right?

i've began to see the sitcom--ghost whisperer . the heroine is really beautiful and is a warm hearted girl. and the story is about how does she help the dead to accomplish their wishes and then they can be calm and go to another place with the blessing from the relatives...it's the dialogur between the dead and the living, maybe sorrowful , but "death is just part of the living" , that's true. and someone die, it's just his time . life is going on . we should cherish the moment with the people who is important to us right now and don't fell in deep sorrow to the ones who passed away...they are in the memorys and we'll miss them always...

i'm trying so hard!

i'm wordering if it is work~This is the first english blog for me , and this is the first passage...excited~
i don't know what to talk about , only i wanna say is : yeah, it's such a long holiday,i mush do something which is meaningful,and for myself.
i need to have a try ! and i'll work hard~
well , fine~whatever,tomorrow will be OK!

recently i'm enjoying the song:happy together , by The Turtles

Imagine me & U,I do.
I think about U day & night.
It's only right.
To think about the girl U love.
And hold her tight.
So happy together.
If I should call U up,invest a dime ? ？
And U say U belong 2 me.
And ease my mind.
Imagine how the world could be.
So very fine.
So happy together.
I can see me lovin' nobody but U.
For all my life.
When U're with me baby the skies'll be blue.
For all my life.
Me & U,and U & me.
No matter how they toss the dice.
It had 2 be.
The only one 4 me is U.
And U 4 me.
So happy together.
Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba.
So happy together !
How is the weather(Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba).
So happy together(Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba)
We're happy together(Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba)!
Happy together(Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba)!

　　the rhythm is brisk and really a very lovely song~
just happy together!